New directions

OK, so I'm sick of poker. Lets start from the start and move to the next step to enlightenment. Firstly, I was working hard at poker in the first 6 months of 2008. I dropped thoughts I was a superstar player waiting to happen, and moved onto another mindset, more I know nothing teach me all. Fun times, and a lot of improvement. I was popular in forums, had a nice blog going on CR, was getting active with other poker players, had a constantly improving bankroll and moving up the stakes pretty quick.

Then something interesting happened. I got the idea I was "ready". With my BR higher than ever before, I thought I could start to earn off poker. I changed my game to HU SNG's at this point, and stopped really learning and working, more just having fun. My results at HU SNG's are still very good, it's more the other games that have cost me a lot of money since then. In fact, I'd say it's likely 90% of the money I've lost since then was while I was drinking too. I drink about 3-4 nights a week usually, so I should be playing solid poker 4 nights, drinking and playing one night just for fun, and drinking and not playing at all other nights, but instead drinking brings on the gamble, and I play higher stakes and inevitably lose.

So I'm in a downward spiral, what to do? There is a part inside all of us which wants to take the easiest path, but in situations like this the easiest path is to just keep playing like notheing happened, and I think that's the worst option. Something has happened. I've lost money, I've lost confidence, I face an uncertainty about my playing ability, probably due to the fact I'm not a very good player. It may sound cool to say, I'm just going to keep grinding, but lets face it, something needs to change for the better.

Quitting for a while is an option. I don't particularily like this, as I've gone away a few times recently without poker, and it hasn't helped at all. In fact I feel like it's been the cause. If I walk away for a while, I can safely say it's to avoid poker, not to refresh my poker brain.

So the only other option is to dig my way out. Yes I'm in a hole, I'm digging through to China. Work harder at the forums, watch more videos, stay disciplined in playing times, treat the downswing with contempt and work to make it go away, rather than just playing and hoping it goes away. Behind any big performance is a lot of hard work. A semi famous pole vaulter when asked about nerves said "All I can do is smile when I get to the competitions, because I know I've done all the work I could have at training." How much work have I done at poker to improve my skills? Could I have done anything more to be a better player so far? If the answer is yes, then how do I even expect to beat other players who also don't do all the hard work, and other players that do the hard work?

So I'm here at the bottom now, knowing a few reasons why I'm here, even having a decent plan to get out. What do I do from here? Do I really want to do that work? The answer is. I'm not sure? It's safe to say I do want to do that work, but I'm not sure if poker has enough of me right now that I'm willing to give it everything. I can honestly say, I don't know what to do after this weekend, which will more than likely be fairly poker free and booze filled :)